There once was a kid who had nowhere to go. He had a whole lot of mouth but nothing to show. So he went to streets and started walking around with heat. Hustled on other niggas corners so he was always in some beef. But shorty had potential that kept deeply buried, he was tired of running the streets and making his mom worry. He wanted to be star but he was too scared to mention, he was smartest kid in class but he stayed in detention. He wasn’t all the bad he just needed some attention, couldn’t go see his dad so instead he climbing fences.Every night he would go home and write down his dreams and imagine how life was behind the big screen. Thinking of way that he could grind is way out, all the pain from the past made him want to scream and shout. Before he’d go to sleep at night he’d pray to above, everybody saw trouble but he really needed love.
I believe that we are all afraid and because we are afraid we create personalities as defense mechanism against this world which seems so unpredictable at times.
We never know what will or won’t happen and it causes us to create super hero’s in our minds; who’s jobs are to protect of from the chaos.
In effect, these super hero’s become personalities that we take on often take on to fight anyone or anything perceived to threaten our so called existence.
If this is true, if we can create various personalities based on our fears and perceptions of the world; how can we really say that who we claim to be or what we claim to see is real?
I’ve done some crazy, inexplainable and nonsensical things in the pursuit of love. For the most part, I can honestly say that I don’t regret any of them – ok maybe a few things- because the thought of finding someone who understand you without words, feels you without having to touch you, and loves you unconditionally makes every set back and disappointment worth it. It also makes life worth living.
How delighted I was when I found out that this person I’ve been fantasizing about all my life is my self.
Lately I feel like it’s just me and you
Because no one understand the changes I’m going through
In my mind, if 1 wins, nobody can lose
So why do I feel so uncomfortable expressing good news?
Is it my fault that they got complacent?
While I built myself and reconstructing my foundation
I want it to be love but it feels like they hatin
Like they want me to fall and won’t mind waiting
Maybe they got used to me being broke
Now I be flexing like I’m selling dope
But you know something that they’ll never know
Like how even when it got dark I never lost hope
And even when it rain didn’t stop I saw over the rainbow
So I deserve the world and everything in it
And when I reach the top I’ll have you as my witness
When a black boy cries the world seems to go deaf
While the Sirens in his environment constantly remind him of death
Since he wasn’t taught structure, his thought are a mess
And he thinks marijuana and opiates will help him ease the stress
When he tries to vent about his struggle he’s told to stay silent
So he bottles it up his emotions until it’s time to become violent
He hurts the women who love him because that can’t get to him
He has a long rap sheet so his job opportunities are ruined
He has about a year before his mother kicks him out
Suffering from depression he just wishes he could shout
He wanted to be a lawyer
maybe the next black President
But he lost his hope and doesn’t know where the hell it went
If he would let the rain drop maybe he could grow
And all the love within him wouldnt be so hard
Dear black boy reading this, I just want you to know
Although the past was rough you has to let it go
– The artist Jahlil Tahree
When I got to his house I realized that it was empty.
But for some reason I felt like someone was still there, I could feel it.
I walked into the house with my guns drawn and my fingers on the trigger.
I was ready for any and everything.
I had it my mind that I would kill his sister first so that he could feel some of my pain.
Someone ran across the hallway entrance!
I fired a shot and missed!
Consequently,The noise from the gun shot made it hard to listen to his footsteps in order to see where he had gone but something told me that he hadn’t traveled far.
While I was putting together my plot, a bullet flew so close to my face that momentarily blind momentarily!
Before I could fully recover my sight I was shot in the thigh.
Overdetermined, I tried to get back to my feet but wasn’t strong enough.
It was When I felt the gun in the back of my head, that I knew it was over.
In that split second my only thought was I had let her down.
I heard the sound of the triggering clicking like it was happening in slow motion.
“This is how it’s gonna end huh” I quietly said to myself.
Suddenly, I heard a high pitched voice, screaming at me.
“Wake up!! Wake up! You sleep so fucking wild thats why we need a bigger bed! why are you looking at me like that? What we’re you dreaming about? Omg you’re so weird when you’re half asleep.”
Your thoughts seemed to be distant
as I sat besides you,
cleaning your feet with the water,
awaiting the moment you’d look at me and smile
And when you did,
So did time.
When I finally I came to,
my memories of our moments
we’re all a blur.
My spirit tells me that we were magical,
Something words will always fail in describing.
The only clear memory I have to hold on to,
is of us that at the pier,
the sounds of our voices echoing over the water,
the way the sun moved across the sky
and how smooth your skin felt against mine.