How we shop is how we date (Part 1: Woman shopping habits.

Woman thrive on impulse

So fellas.. You come home from work and see a living room full of bags and wonder if there is a holiday coming up that maybe you’ve forgotten about. Maybe your girl has done some early Christmas shopping or you forgot it was the anniversary of something you didn’t think was important enough to have its own anniversary. To your relief , she comes in the living room expressing how joyous and lucky she feels to have stumbled upon a sale just before it ended. The smart (I.E more experienced) man will pretend to share her excitement secretly hoping that maybe she bought something for him too. However, as men we’re never as happy as they are when this happens because we know there wasn’t any sale and that our girlfriend just bought whatever items she wanted on impulse. But see, that’s one of the many things about women that we just have to accept. Women live and die on impulse. Women make most of their major decisions on impulses, especially decisions about the types of men they date. 

My Reasoning 

A woman is on her lunch break in the local mall and decides to go treat herself to a new dress. She walks into her favorite store and instantly sees a dress she likes. The dress is nice and the price isn’t that bad but it’s a popular dress and she knows it’s always in stock. She puts the dress down and continues to shop because she knows it’ll be there if she ever decides to come back and pick it up. 

She then sees a more beautiful dress, one she’s never seen anyone with and thinks this is the dress of a lifetime but it’s too expensive.

Although she knows she can’t afford the dress at the moment, she decides to put it on lay away and make deposits whenever she can. While she continues to browse around the store, she spots another stunning dress, high-priced but affordable. 

Not many people have this dress but the women who do are held to prestigious standards. There are only a few of these dresses left and she knows that if she hesitates the woman standing behind her will take the last dress in her size. She buys the dress without thinking twice.

Breaking down the analogy

The first dress that was moderately priced and fully stocked describes the guy who the woman considers to be average (you basic bruh). She may give him her number and go out on a few dates with him but it never goes any further because she knows she can have him whenever she wants and that’s not appealing enough for her to be “all in”.

The second dress represents the nice “wholesome” guy that’ll “make a woman out of her”. She knows that this is the guy that will treat her the way she feels a woman should be treated but she’s not ready for that kind of guy at this point in her life. Shes views him as an investment for the future so she keeps him around in some shape or form. Maybe they go out occasionally, have deep conversations every once in a while and if shes really likes him they might fuck every now and then. These are all little deposits that she assumes will assure that she has the option to buy when she’s ready to make the investment.

 Although she isn’t ready for the type of commitment that the second dress requires she doesn’t want to become another fuck buddy either. The third dress is more of her speed. It defines what she yearns for at this stage in her life. She does want commitment and security but overall she wants excitement! She wants the type of dress/guy that few have and many want. This guy doesn’t want more from her than loyalty and good sex. But like the the second dress, he wont wait around for her. This dynamic triggers her natural impules. Maybe there’s a future with him maybe there isn’t, but that’s what excites her. Whatever the case she’s all in.

Different strokes for Different folks (pause)

Keep in mind some women do shop differently. The woman above is just an examples of how some women utilize their impulsive instinct to choose their partners. Although it is a well-known fact that women shop on impulse, these impulses are triggered by different contributing factors like wants, needs, aspirations and motivations. Depending on those factors, a woman may be more or less inclined to choose either dress (ie. type of man) over the other.

Dropping Jewels 

For the most part, if the woman you’re courting isn’t taking you off the rack right away, chances are you’re not the kind of dress she wants. Additionally, if shes’ stalling but still feeding the idea of the two of you being a couple, chances are she has you on layaway. I mean, Who knows, you might just be one of the lucky ones who get bought around christmas or income tax time. On the other hand I know people who  still owe payments on a VCR they put on layaway in the 90s.

Why Looks are important

The Distortion of Beauty

Ive been doing research on the concept of beauty & attractiveness and how differently it is defined around the world. In his book “Rethinking the Color Line”, Chuck Gallagher defined beauty by those physical characteristics that are deemed more essential to survival in the environment the individual was born. I prefer this definition because it seems to be one of the more natural and realistic definitions for why a culture would perceive a certain set of physical traits as attractive or Beautiful. Under this definition if a child were born in an environment with a warm climate and high exposure to the sun, the more favorable features in the culture would be darker skin and thicker hair. This skin being more abundant in melanin and hair coarse to assist in absorbing the sun and its nutrients while protecting the infant from the harsh rays of the sun.

Now, fast forward to me finding out that 77% of South Africa’s popular Men’s health and fashion magazines have white male models on the cover. This seemed peculiar to me because the population of south Africa is 80% black and with only 10% or the population being white. How is this possible?

I was confused because in America we are often told “oh the reason we show more whites on TV, magazines and in movies is because they represent the majority of the population and its a more realistic representation”. I’m paraphrasing of course but as you can see (probably without the numerical data) black Africans out number white Africans by a landslide in south Africa.

Then I started to think because this couldn’t have been the first time this happened. And it wasn’t!! I started counting in my mind the numerous times I’ve seen this portrayed in America. For example, mostly all big blockbuster Egyptian movies features all white casts. There are TV shows with black women and men openly preferring relationships with people of different ethnicity over their own. Have you noticed how some aspects of black culture are viewed as ghetto and unprofessional but are constantly being exploited by capitalist under new names I.e urban? Let’s not forget the shaming of woman of color and their curves, banning of natural hairstyles, etc.

Why do looks matter?

Whether you notice or not the perception of beauty holds a lot of power in regards to decision making. There have been several studies conducted that attempt to predict the type of jobs, amount of money, social relationships, and legal troubles that a person is likely to encounter based on ones perceived level of attractiveness.

A study done by Daniel Hammerish in his book “beauty pays” found that men who are perceived to be handsome are poised to make 13% more than their less attractive counterparts. This study also states that people who are perceived as attractive are more likely to be hired during a recession than those viewed as less attractive.

A study done at Cornell University by Justin j. Cornell and Stephen J. Ceci found that the more attractive defendants were, the less likely they’d be found guilty. Those viewed as unattractive received on average 22 more months than their counterparts. This study also showed that in cases where monetary damage is involved, attractive people tend to get the highest rewards.

A study conducted by Feingold (1988) discovered that when all else is equal, most people show a substantial preference for attractive individuals over unattractive others. Furthermore, people are much more likely to want to form friendships with attractive people compared to less attractive people.


The question is, does the media send subliminal messages that encourage the majority of its citizens to view Black people as less attractive than White Americans? And if so does this play a role in how Blacks are treated in America? I think yes but that may be debatable depending on who you’re talking to. However, the facts show Blacks are more likely to get paid less than there white counterparts, less likely to get hired during a recession, more likely to be found guilty and serve more time on the same charges as their white counterparts. Blacks are more likely to receive higher fines,pay out higher rewards and are less likely to be befriended by a group of White Americans (with the exception of the token black friend). 

My Opinion

Although America uses the terms attractive and beautiful interchangeably, I don’t agree with the countries usage of the two words. In my eyes someone attractive is someone I have a physical interest in and someone beautiful is someone I have a spiritual interest in. For example I’m attracted to darker skinned woman with strong African features but what I find beautiful is a women with intellect, integrity, and virtue. Every once in a while I get lucky and find a woman that possess both qualities. 

Love Spells

For the longest time I’ve been wondering what the ” butterflies” feeling is all about. Why do some people make you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach and why do some just make you flat out sick to your stomach? More importantly how and why do we fall in love?   I’ve recently done a little research on this topic and would like  to share what I’ve found with you guys.

Scientist  have credited the feeling we all know as “love” to a number of  naturally produced hormones that are systematically secreted in the human body during different types of interactions between two individuals.

The Encounter

Studies by Psychologist have shown that it takes between 90 seconds to 4 minutes for two people to decide whether or not they have chemistry.  During this encounter it’s not actually what’s being said between the two people involved but how it is being said.

55% of this communication is done through body language, 38% is tone and speed of voice and merely  7% of this communication accounts for what the two people are actually saying.

The ” 3 stages of love”  were proposed by Researcher Helen Fisher of Rutgers University

Stage 1: Lust

Lust or very strong sexual desire is driven by the male and female hormones Testosterone and estrogen

Testosterone and estrogen: influence  physical attraction and sexual arousal in both men and woman.

Stage  2: Attraction

Attraction or as I like to call it “Infatuation” is the time in a relationship when you become so wrapped up in a person  that you can’t think of anyone else (Sometimes not even yourself. yikes!).  The hormones responsible for this stage are  adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.


The initial stages of “falling” for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of Adrenalin and Cortisol. This is why we often sweat, our  hearts race, and our mouths go dry when we encounter our new love interest.


Dopamine is the hormone responsible for feelings of euphoria. When this hormone is activated it secretes an intense rush of pleasure.

Fisher suggests “couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship” .

These characteristics are very similar (if not the same) to those of individuals with addictive behaviors like drug addicts and heavy gamblers.This can be seen as evidence that one can in fact be addicted to love or loving someone no matter how destructive the relationship is to the persons well being.


Serotonin is believed by many researchers to be responsible for the feelings of  happiness and well being in a person. Studies show low levels of serotonin to be associated with depression.

Stage 3: Attachment

Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together long enough to reproduce and/or build lives together. Scientist associate the two major hormones Oxytocin and Vasopressin with this feeling.


Oxytocin is responsible for creating the feelings of deep connection leading to attachment and commitment. Oxytocin  is secreted during childbirth, breast feeding, and during an orgasm. A popular theory is that the more sex a couple has the stronger there bond becomes.


Vasopressin is also a hormone that contributes to strong bonds between couples.This hormone is secreted after sex. This conclusion was made after A study done by scientist using Praires Voles showed that the presence (or lack thereof) of Vasopressin played a significant role in the amount of devotion (or lack thereof) the subjects had toward there partners. Praire Voles relationship are similar to human relationship in that they have  far more sex than is required for reproduction and also form fairly stable pair bonds.

The love spell

If you’re  planning on going on a date with someone you’re interested in this exercise created by Psychologist and University Professor Arthur Arun should be interesting and fun to try:

  • Find a complete stranger. (doesn’t have to be a stranger could be someone you feel you don’t know well enough.)

  • Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.

  • Then, stare deeply into each others eyes without talking for four minutes.

Many of the subjects involved in this study reported to feel deeply attractive to one another after 36 minutes. Two of the couples in this experiment later got married.