The hardest thing I’ve had to do in my adult life is have a conversation with the transgender cashier at Buffalo exchange while trying to pretend I didn’t notice his cropped shirt and pierced – very hairy- belly button.
Always in a rush but I stopped for you
Living in a rut cuz my mind confused
Stuck in my emotions ain’t got time to be
all the signs say you were designed for me
Will I get you back only time will tell
Before I find love I gotta find myself
I’ve done nothing to influence your fall
But I’ll do everything to express myself
Because the love I possess is overwhelming
I try to mask it but it seeps through my pores
and engulfs everyone around me
protecting them from themselves
However I no longer want to be a hiding place for bruised soulS
Or spend my life putting together broken hearts.
There has to be more to life than being able to say you’ve figured someone out.
Every now and again I find myself searching for your face in a crowd.
“snap out of it” I tell myself
“You have places to be and people to meet”
So I go on,
satisfied that I no longer have to analyze our twisted love story.
Then we meet again.
Always In that place where time doesn’t exist.
But you’re never quite who you are in my dreams and loving me seems to be nightmare for you.
Yet every night I smell scents of your perfume in the wind.
Either you’re elusive or I’m delusional.
Blinded by deception or hiding my obsession.
With ever scar I feel a little more alive.
Down for the ride that’s been taking me far
Head full of pride cause this fame is bizarre
Court side at games got me feeling like a star
Serving up lames with the cane in my car
The money in my pockets came from my clientele
Momma told me stop before they take my ass to jail
Everything in life is old
And the only thing that changes is the price of souls
On your second time around you’ll be twice as bold
they’ll be nobody alive who you can’t control
How I’m sposed to go to sleep ?
I’m living with PSTD
Thoughts keep controlling me
and aint no one consoling me
Feeling all this urgency
Its hard to get a hold of me
cop cars patrolling me
Tryna catch me serve the fiens
Coulda caught a body went up state
Before I got my first degree
But aint gone explain myself
And I don’t need a lame to help
Ambulance car outside
They say my nigga banged his self
That nigga should’ve hit my phone
Like “ yo Tah I’m feeling alone”
I would’ve smoked a blunt with you
I would’ve took the gun from you
But Instead I’m at ya funeral crying
Still alive but my insides dying
I need a way to break the surface
Cause the liquor and the weed aint working
My depression got me feeling kinda worthless
Feeling lost got me questioning my purpose
And now I cant go to sleep.