Menace to society

In my neighborhood I’m the kid who my neighbors fear and hate.

I’m come off as overly aggressive and easily agitated because my providers have never made me feel safe.

While walking home from school or the park, I often envision how life would be, if I were smart.

The darkness seems to have gotten me surrounded, so I apologize if I’m always frowning.

My enemies seem to outnumber my friends so I end my relationships before they begin.

years mental abuse have made me numb, so can’t imagine loving anyone.

Inside of my head is never silent, so I’m peaceful settings I often become violent.

Sometimes people try to help me get over my fears, but I can’t help but feel like no one cares.

Maybe things would be easier if I were famous and rich, but that dream can be easily interrupted by a pinch.

One day I might admit the way I feel and confess my truth so that I can finally heal.

I guess only time will tell, if I’ll ever escape from this rotten hell.

Hollywood Slim

There once was a kid who had nowhere to go. He had a whole lot of mouth but nothing to show. So he went to streets and started walking around with heat. Hustled on other niggas corners so he was always in some beef. But shorty had potential that kept deeply buried, he was tired of running the streets and making his mom worry. He wanted to be star but he was too scared to mention, he was smartest kid in class but he stayed in detention. He wasn’t all the bad he just needed some attention, couldn’t go see his dad so instead he climbing fences.Every night he would go home and write down his dreams and imagine how life was behind the big screen. Thinking of way that he could grind is way out, all the pain from the past made him want to scream and shout. Before he’d go to sleep at night he’d pray to above, everybody saw trouble but he really needed love.

What’s reality?

I believe that we are all afraid and because we are afraid we create personalities as defense mechanism against this world which seems so unpredictable at times.

We never know what will or won’t happen and it causes us to create super hero’s in our minds; who’s jobs are to protect of from the chaos.

In effect, these super hero’s become personalities that we take on often take on to fight anyone or anything perceived to threaten our so called existence.

If this is true, if we can create various personalities based on our fears and perceptions of the world; how can we really say that who we claim to be or what we claim to see is real?

Hopeless in Rome

I’ve done some crazy, inexplainable and nonsensical things in the pursuit of love. For the most part, I can honestly say that I don’t regret any of them – ok maybe a few things- because the thought of finding someone who understand you without words, feels you without having to touch you, and loves you unconditionally makes every set back and disappointment worth it. It also makes life worth living.

How delighted I was when I found out that this person I’ve been fantasizing about all my life is my self.

The Goat

Dear Self,

Lately I feel like it’s just me and you

Because no one understand the changes I’m going through

In my mind, if 1 wins, nobody can lose

So why do I feel so uncomfortable expressing good news?

Is it my fault that they got complacent?

While I built myself and reconstructing my foundation

I want it to be love but it feels like they hatin

Like they want me to fall and won’t mind waiting

Maybe they got used to me being broke

Now I be flexing like I’m selling dope

But you know something that they’ll never know

Like how even when it got dark I never lost hope

And even when it rain didn’t stop I saw over the rainbow

So I deserve the world and everything in it

And when I reach the top I’ll have you as my witness

A Black Boys Fears

When a black boy cries the world seems to go deaf

While the Sirens in his environment constantly remind him of death

Since he wasn’t taught structure, his thought are a mess

And he thinks marijuana and opiates will help him ease the stress

When he tries to vent about his struggle he’s told to stay silent

So he bottles it up his emotions until it’s time to become violent

He hurts the women who love him because that can’t get to him

He has a long rap sheet so his job opportunities are ruined

He has about a year before his mother kicks him out

Suffering from depression he just wishes he could shout

He wanted to be a lawyer

maybe the next black President

But he lost his hope and doesn’t know where the hell it went

If he would let the rain drop maybe he could grow

And all the love within him wouldnt be so hard

to show

Dear black boy reading this, I just want you to know

Although the past was rough you has to let it go

– The artist Jahlil Tahree

Other drugs

When I got to his house I realized that it was empty.

But for some reason I felt like someone was still there, I could feel it.

I walked into the house with my guns drawn and my fingers on the trigger.

I was ready for any and everything.

I had it my mind that I would kill his sister first so that he could feel some of my pain.

Someone ran across the hallway entrance!

I fired a shot and missed!

Consequently,The noise from the gun shot made it hard to listen to his footsteps in order to see where he had gone but something told me that he hadn’t traveled far.

While I was putting together my plot, a bullet flew so close to my face that momentarily blind momentarily!

Before I could fully recover my sight I was shot in the thigh.

Overdetermined, I tried to get back to my feet but wasn’t strong enough.

It was When I felt the gun in the back of my head, that I knew it was over.

In that split second my only thought was I had let her down.

I heard the sound of the triggering clicking like it was happening in slow motion.

“This is how it’s gonna end huh” I quietly said to myself.

Suddenly, I heard a high pitched voice, screaming at me.

“Wake up!! Wake up! You sleep so fucking wild thats why we need a bigger bed! why are you looking at me like that? What we’re you dreaming about? Omg you’re so weird when you’re half asleep.”

Sunrises At The Pier

Your thoughts seemed to be distant

as I sat besides you,

cleaning your feet with the water,

awaiting the moment you’d look at me and smile

And when you did,

I froze.

So did time.

When I finally I came to,

my memories of our moments

we’re all a blur.

My spirit tells me that we were magical,

Something words will always fail in describing.

The only clear memory I have to hold on to,

is of us that at the pier,

the sounds of our voices echoing over the water,

the way the sun moved across the sky

and how smooth your skin felt against mine.

Memoirs: Checklist

Things I need while writing my first book:

1. A well functioning laptop

Because the one I have has a virus or something.

2.A well functioning lighter

Because I’m not doing this sober all the way through.

3.A well functioning, and well nurturing woman

Because Writing heightens my sensuality

4. A well functioning imagination

Because imagination is everything

Memoirs: Supreme 

And as the world around me began to fall apart.

The world within me was finally coming together.
I started to wonder less and explore more,

The sun rays seemed to shine like gold and the moon was always full.

Often I’d ask myself questions while alone in my room: 

How long has life been this beautiful? 

Why do I feel so infinite? 

Have I been creating these words? 

Or have these words been creating me?

Each answer birthed new questions