#love, Lifestyle, Millennials, Poem, Spells, Uncategorized

Memoirs: Solar Energy

Who will love this man?

A question I sometimes ask myself at night while alone listening to music and feeding to  my oral fixation with a cigar I purchased from an Asian restaurant.

Deep thoughts circle in my mind. Some so dark that I immediately pray they never escape my mind. Others so enlightening that I fear ill be crucified if I ever form words to express them.

You see, I’m afraid of myself. My essence and my power make me feel like I’m the Sun; beautiful to look at but too dangerous to get close to.

My clairvoyant persona something I sometimes wish I could hide but like the sun surrounded by clouds its only a matter of time before the light on the other side peaks through again.

As I begin to regain focus my vision clears and I recognized my path, filled lighted and  truth.

Yet some nights I still find myself asking:

“Who will love this man?”

Who will be brave enough to love the man who holds the power to either heal or destroy the world?

HE, he will love Self; for his survival in this dimension rest upon this defining decision.

 

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Sunrise’s At The Pier: Euphoric 

As I stood in the doorway, eyes piercing through the dark of the night, obsessing over satins unique ability to caress every curve and angle of her frame.
I received an impulse to approach my prey. So smitten I don’t recall how I traveled the distance. Maybe I glided, maybe my wings flew me towards my dream.

Losing control of my bodily functions-it was if my heart took control and didn’t require permission from my brain anymore-while she lay still on her back like a goddess waiting to be taken by her fierce gladiator.

My fingers began to caress the triangular parts of her body and steadily moved to the creasing parts of her spine, sliding towards the cushions of her backbone.

Between her thighs I feel the steam from her ocean shooting out like a rapid fire; enough to invoke a mist.

My palms soon seek refuge in her well groomed garden. My brain begins to function slightly but only enough for me to imagine the pleasures my extension may feel might I dare expose it to her narrow river.
This would not be the first time I’d taken a dip in these warm waters -where I’d been many times smalls distances between life and death-and it wouldn’t be the last.

while on this expedition toward passion I always retrieve myself moments before my demise. Within each step I take towards an inevitable death I feel I become more alive.

I have no control of myself yet full control of her, this is my final fantasy, this euphoria.

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Statistic 

I was in the alley watching niggas serve the fiends 
Listening to Papi sell the hood niggas dreams 
I was in an Audi by the age of 17

Couldn’t go to sleep I had smokers in my dreams 

Tried to keep the peace but I would smoke you for my cream

I just had to have it

Light skin bitch kept saying I was average 

Didn’t want to fail, didn’t want to live bummy

Late night kitchen table counting up the money 

Everything was blurry my whole life looked fuzzy 

All I really wanted was for somebody to love me 

Moving too fast now my room look like a cubby,

Eating chi’s chi’s chips cutttin up my tummy 

1 year down 15 years coming 

All this time left and ain’t no runnin 

It’s 1 million kinds a way to eat

But the hood got me thinking the only way is the streets 

So when I get home Ima trap some more 

and when I get smoked they spray paint me on the corner store 

My kids won’t have a father and their mother will be spiteful

Because she knows that they’re  doomed to continue the cycle 

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We Love America 

Dear America,We spend all of our money at your stores, and wait patiently in long lines outside of your doors,to spend money we got from jobs doing your unwanted chores, where we’re forced to accept what you pay us because we’re scared to ask for more. 

We give and you take, we spend you make. We may bend a little but we’ll never break. When we beg you to stop you call up your cops. So now We ain’t even safe on our own blocks!

They could come to our neighborhoods kills us and leave and all theyd ever get is administrative paid leave. They’d even get money in their gofundme account, all for killing the kid whose name was hard to pronounce. 

You break down our schools,pack us in buildings. promote drugs and violence to all of our black children. So Come Friday night we go to club because the partying helps us forget all this stuff! 

But Our homes remain broken and absent of trust. See what your slavery did to us? You chained us physically, spiritually and mentally. Your slavery is even in our music industry. Because We use to sing about pride and hope. But now all I ever hear is guns and dope.  

So Who’s gonna be these young brothers role model? When theyre learning how to hold guns before they can hold thier own bottlles. The sisters need some guidance too because there ain’t no more Lauren hills or eryka badus. All I ever see on the TV screen, are women who look like they’ve been lotioned with bleaching cream. We used to shine bright like the Sun, now it’s like we’re selling our souls to be one of them.

Its like there ain’t no place for us. Because You do as you please and we do what we must. Yet and still we love America, but when will America ever love us? 

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Higher learning 

I was trying to get you to see that your life held value and that no amount of money could replace it. But the hood was so good to you that you became complacent . You ain’t want no education you just wanted an iced out bracelet and a SS Impala so through life you was racing. I left and went away to school and you started looking at me like I was basic.But you was tryna sale your soul and I was trying to save it.

I came back so estactic because I was learning new things. I wanted to tell you about how we didn’t come from slaves and that the truth is we came from kings. I wanted to give you the courage to fly and finally flap your wings.I wanted to make you want more than material things. 

I wanted you to leave with me and travel and visit new places. I wanted to explain to you how all white people ain’t racist. I wanted to show you how they keeping you a slave with that chain and that bracelet.But you was tryna sell your soul and I was trying save it.

I tried to tell you then niggas was phony and they really ain’t ya homies.Now I’m up drinking E&j cause you left a nigga lonely. Who gone walk to the store at night? Who gone gone push me when I’m scared to fight? How the fuck Ima go on? How the fuck I’m gone live a normal life? 

I shouldn’t have went to school, I should stayed on the block with you!How them niggas screaming that they shoothas and wasn’t out there with the tool? 

I told you they wasnt real,they was in it for the come up. Cause they saw like me that you were ambition and would wet any nigga tryna run up. They had to catch you slipping bro you to smart to go out like that. And now my heart broke forever cause I couldn’t have ya back. I wish I could go back bro I wish I could erase it! I wish you that you ain’t sale your soul, I wish I could’ve save it.

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Why Looks are important

The Distortion of Beauty

Ive been doing research on the concept of beauty & attractiveness and how differently it is defined around the world. In his book “Rethinking the Color Line”, Chuck Gallagher defined beauty by those physical characteristics that are deemed more essential to survival in the environment the individual was born. I prefer this definition because it seems to be one of the more natural and realistic definitions for why a culture would perceive a certain set of physical traits as attractive or Beautiful. Under this definition if a child were born in an environment with a warm climate and high exposure to the sun, the more favorable features in the culture would be darker skin and thicker hair. This skin being more abundant in melanin and hair coarse to assist in absorbing the sun and its nutrients while protecting the infant from the harsh rays of the sun.

Now, fast forward to me finding out that 77% of South Africa’s popular Men’s health and fashion magazines have white male models on the cover. This seemed peculiar to me because the population of south Africa is 80% black and with only 10% or the population being white. How is this possible?

I was confused because in America we are often told “oh the reason we show more whites on TV, magazines and in movies is because they represent the majority of the population and its a more realistic representation”. I’m paraphrasing of course but as you can see (probably without the numerical data) black Africans out number white Africans by a landslide in south Africa.

Then I started to think because this couldn’t have been the first time this happened. And it wasn’t!! I started counting in my mind the numerous times I’ve seen this portrayed in America. For example, mostly all big blockbuster Egyptian movies features all white casts. There are TV shows with black women and men openly preferring relationships with people of different ethnicity over their own. Have you noticed how some aspects of black culture are viewed as ghetto and unprofessional but are constantly being exploited by capitalist under new names I.e urban? Let’s not forget the shaming of woman of color and their curves, banning of natural hairstyles, etc.

Why do looks matter?

Whether you notice or not the perception of beauty holds a lot of power in regards to decision making. There have been several studies conducted that attempt to predict the type of jobs, amount of money, social relationships, and legal troubles that a person is likely to encounter based on ones perceived level of attractiveness.

A study done by Daniel Hammerish in his book “beauty pays” found that men who are perceived to be handsome are poised to make 13% more than their less attractive counterparts. This study also states that people who are perceived as attractive are more likely to be hired during a recession than those viewed as less attractive.

A study done at Cornell University by Justin j. Cornell and Stephen J. Ceci found that the more attractive defendants were, the less likely they’d be found guilty. Those viewed as unattractive received on average 22 more months than their counterparts. This study also showed that in cases where monetary damage is involved, attractive people tend to get the highest rewards.

A study conducted by Feingold (1988) discovered that when all else is equal, most people show a substantial preference for attractive individuals over unattractive others. Furthermore, people are much more likely to want to form friendships with attractive people compared to less attractive people.

Fact?

The question is, does the media send subliminal messages that encourage the majority of its citizens to view Black people as less attractive than White Americans? And if so does this play a role in how Blacks are treated in America? I think yes but that may be debatable depending on who you’re talking to. However, the facts show Blacks are more likely to get paid less than there white counterparts, less likely to get hired during a recession, more likely to be found guilty and serve more time on the same charges as their white counterparts. Blacks are more likely to receive higher fines,pay out higher rewards and are less likely to be befriended by a group of White Americans (with the exception of the token black friend). 

My Opinion

Although America uses the terms attractive and beautiful interchangeably, I don’t agree with the countries usage of the two words. In my eyes someone attractive is someone I have a physical interest in and someone beautiful is someone I have a spiritual interest in. For example I’m attracted to darker skinned woman with strong African features but what I find beautiful is a women with intellect, integrity, and virtue. Every once in a while I get lucky and find a woman that possess both qualities. 

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