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Memoirs: Solar Energy

Who will love this man?

A question I sometimes ask myself at night while alone listening to music and feeding to  my oral fixation with a cigar I purchased from an Asian restaurant.

Deep thoughts circle in my mind. Some so dark that I immediately pray they never escape my mind. Others so enlightening that I fear ill be crucified if I ever form words to express them.

You see, I’m afraid of myself. My essence and my power make me feel like I’m the Sun; beautiful to look at but too dangerous to get close to.

My clairvoyant persona something I sometimes wish I could hide but like the sun surrounded by clouds its only a matter of time before the light on the other side peaks through again.

As I begin to regain focus my vision clears and I recognized my path, filled lighted and  truth.

Yet some nights I still find myself asking:

“Who will love this man?”

Who will be brave enough to love the man who holds the power to either heal or destroy the world?

HE, he will love Self; for his survival in this dimension rest upon this defining decision.


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Sunrise’s At The Pier: Euphoric 

As I stood in the doorway, eyes piercing through the dark of the night, obsessing over satins unique ability to caress every curve and angle of her frame.
I received an impulse to approach my prey. So smitten I don’t recall how I traveled the distance. Maybe I glided, maybe my wings flew me towards my dream.

Losing control of my bodily functions-it was if my heart took control and didn’t require permission from my brain anymore-while she lay still on her back like a goddess waiting to be taken by her fierce gladiator.

My fingers began to caress the triangular parts of her body and steadily moved to the creasing parts of her spine, sliding towards the cushions of her backbone.

Between her thighs I feel the steam from her ocean shooting out like a rapid fire; enough to invoke a mist.

My palms soon seek refuge in her well groomed garden. My brain begins to function slightly but only enough for me to imagine the pleasures my extension may feel might I dare expose it to her narrow river.
This would not be the first time I’d taken a dip in these warm waters -where I’d been many times smalls distances between life and death-and it wouldn’t be the last.

while on this expedition toward passion I always retrieve myself moments before my demise. Within each step I take towards an inevitable death I feel I become more alive.

I have no control of myself yet full control of her, this is my final fantasy, this euphoria.

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Who you with?

By now I’m pretty sure everyone’s familiar with the show “Power” and the dynamics surrounding the main character’s (Ghost) contrasting relationship between his wife (Tasha) and his girlfriend (Angela). Just in case you’re not, here’s a brief description: Ghost is married to Tasha whom he has 3 children with and has maybe the biggest drug operation New York has ever seen. Tasha earned Ghosts trust (which lead to her becoming his wife and the mother of his children) during a routine stop by the police which could have landed him in jail for quite some time had she not had his back. When it comes to protecting Ghost, Tasha would do anything. She even lied to Angela to cover for him. However, she made one fatal mistake. Tasha had an affair with someone who worked for ghost and ended up being apart of a conspiracy to kill him. Does that one mistake cancel out all of her other acts of loyalty or is she still considered loyal?

On the other hand we have Angela. Ghost has known Angela since he was 15. Angela knew ghost before he became a drug lord; Her Jamie, always smart with a knack for business. She loves Jamie but hates ghost. Angela will do anything to protect Jamie from ghosts mistakes. she cleans up what he does to protect her fantasy of her and Jamie living together happily ever after like they planned to when they were both teenagers. Although she always seems to come through in a clutch, she leaves a suspense that’s makes the viewers a little weary and uncomfortable. Does her hesitancy make her less loyal or is she more loyal because she has Jamie’s best interest at hand and always pulls through no matter how hesitant she initially is under pressure?

So I guess the real question here is what type of people do you consider more loyal to you? The type of people who invest in what you are or the people that invest in who you are?