#culture, #love, #mindfulness, #relationships, All lives matter, Black lives matter, Lifestyle, love, Millennials, Poem, ptsd, Short stories

How I’m sposed to go to sleep ?

I’m living with PSTD

Thoughts keep controlling me

and aint no one consoling me

Feeling all this urgency

Its hard to get a hold of me

cop cars patrolling me

Tryna catch me serve the fiens

Coulda caught a body went up state

Before I got my first degree

But aint gone explain myself

And I don’t need a lame to help

Ambulance car outside

They say my nigga banged his self

That nigga should’ve hit my phone

Like “ yo Tah I’m feeling alone”

I would’ve smoked a blunt with you

I would’ve  took the gun from you

But Instead I’m at ya funeral crying

Still alive but my insides dying

I need a way to break the surface

Cause the liquor and the weed aint working

My depression got me feeling kinda worthless

Feeling lost got me questioning my purpose

And now I cant go to sleep.

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/**/ Since

we were little boys most of us we’re thought by our parents or society that life was about proving our worth. So we learn to be competitive at a very young age. We learn through observation that to be the best at something grants you a certain level of prestige and added privileges. We look at the Tv and see how much praise athletes and artist receive for being great at what they do. Its as if these people have been  blessed with gifts from god. we in turn directly and indirectly strive and  compete for the top spot throughout the rest of our lives.

Somewhere in our quest for greatness we we fail to realize or aren’t taught where our values should be placed.  Since the hard work we’ve put in to achieve these  great things are what cuased us to achieve our goals we should probably focus on this more than the “trophies” weve won as a result but we do not. Consequently, shortly  after we win our trophies they are placed on our dressers or in trophy cases where the do nothing but collect dust until its time to show them off for bragging “rights’.

This “win the trophy”attitude   then becomes a way of life for us and begins to affect every area in our lives until we find ourselves competing for everything and appreciating nothing.

Example, We see a beautiful women and we go after her for all of the wrong reasons. We go after her not becuase we appreciative her existence but for competitive reasons. So when we finally get her we begin to treat her like the trophies we have grown accustomed to winning, we then sit her on the “self”. To collect duct only to be picked up when it’s time to brag to our friends and family.

This is the cycle and this is probably one of the reason we don’t realize how special the things that we’ve gained until we lose them.

What would happen if we placed more value into the process instead of the product? Maybe we would continue to do the things that we did  to get the trophies or the women of our dreams so that we’d never have to know what life was like without them. 🤔

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#culture, #love, #relationships, All lives matter, Black lives matter, College debt, Lifestyle, Millennials, Poem

Why are we so afraid to be ourselves?

 Not the self that the ego tells us we are but are true, natural selves. The parts of us that cry during sad movies, enjoy shows that don’t relate to our culture and admit to being just as confused about life as the rest of the world.

I believe that society forces us to not be who we are but who we think we are supposed to be. If I cry during the end of titanic its taboo because im a guy, If I tell someone that one of my favorite shows is “Everybody loves raymond or that 70s show” no one believes me because I’m “black”and if I tell people that I still dont know what direction my life is going in they’ll think that I’m  wasting time.”

 Being a young, black, educated, male in America’s society puts me this small box where I barely have standing room. Since I’m  a guy Im not allowed to cry, like ever, Maybe during funerals but it has to be like a manly cry (whatever that is). Also being  black means that my favorite television show has to be  either Martin or Fresh Prince. More importantly, since I’m a millennial I have to have had  my whole life figured out by the time I was  18 or im basically fucked as a human being.

Quite frankly I’m tired of living in the small box society has created for me and I hope this blog encourages its readers to do the same. We dont have to be something just because society expects it from us. I mean we didnt expect Donald Trump to win the election but it happened anyway didnt it? I think its fair to say society owes us one.

Live free or die young

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Uncategorized

If you are single like me and currently in the (seemingly) everlasting  ” getting to meet new people” phase in your love life then this post will probably hit home for you.

 While getting to meet new people  can be fun there are also  some aspects about this process that can be  confusing and sometimes mind boggling. 

I think it’s safe to say that everyone has their pet peeves about what they dislike about meeting new people. I’d have to say mine is the ”  getting to know you questions” that we ask during  this period to convince the person that we are getting to know that we are interested.

While some question are nessecaary in order to move forward there are  also some question that can be inappropriate and in some cases unfair.

Her are a few questions off the top of my head that I believe should be removed from the “getting to know you” questionnaire : 

What’s your type?

This is an awkward question becuase A) What if The person doesn’t have a preference, B) What if you look nothing like what they prefer and C) It could be interpreted as a hint of insecurity on your behalf.

What’s your favorite song?

This has to be one of the most unfair questions ever considering the quantity of quality music in the world  being compsed every minute.I personallly have a favorite song for every emotion I’ve experience during each period of my life and my list grows everyday.

What your favorite movie?

Same reason as for the question about  favorite song.

How did your last relationship end? 

Becuase I just feel that you should keep discussions about ex’s to a minimum.

How many sexual partners have you had?

Do I really need to explain why this is a tacky question?

(Oh and my favorite one) Do you have a (insert popular social network site)?

Because giving someone your social network  information is kind of like telling them your zodiac sign; they’ll  swear they know you afterwards

 I’m pretty sure there are many other questions that would probably also qaulify to make this list. feel free to leave some suggestion. Lets make dating great again!!

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Lifestyle

I believe that deep down everyone is an artist. I say this because to me art is just the expression of emotions through activity. Since we all have emotions (emotions =energy in motion) and we all express them in different ways (whether we notice or not) in my world that makes everyone an artist.

I think that when we categorized things it intimidates people and makes them shy away from an experience. Creating art isn’t something that only  “gifted” or “creative” individuals can do, its something that any living thing on earth can do. There are examples of living things creating art all around us; Look at the trees during fall, flowers during spring, or the rainbow the rain leave after it leaves the sky.

In the past Ive expressed my emotions in counter productive ways but looking back I now realize that those were the moments I should have been creating art. Because of my experiences I believe that once a person finds their inner artist their lives begin to take true meaning.

So If your reading this I encourage you to try using whatever emotions that may seem to have a control over your life right now to spark your creative energies. It can’t hurt to try. Maybe itll be a waste of time, or maybe it’ll  be the key that frees youre spirit 😉

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It was in the depths of the city in a place that lacked light. Where the wolves were hunting as wolves do at night. They didn’t care if you were an elder or youth, because the smell of  vulnerability signaled you were food.

 They traveled in packs wearing subtle colors, neglected their children and killed their brothers, and when there was no prey to hunt, they’d eat other wolves just for fun.

Their mothers were sad because they knew. But at this point what could they do? It had been years since these wolves had been cubs and now poverty had given them a thirst for blood.

Their dream were broken and their desires bent. Because Hell was their environment. 

Since they could remember all they could see, is that if were not the hunter you were the feast. No knowledge of their true identity, these men had no choice but to become beast.

 

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I’ve sat in this room for a long time. Sleeping, tossing, turning, getting up staring at the wall, planning on how I would get back what was mine.

I mapped out my entire life from now until then. Traveled the world so many times in my mind  it made me head spin. My thoughts stretched as high as the mountains, the air I breathed became thin. while I reached new heights giving me the strength needed to win, I heard the universe whisper “this is where your life begins.”

For days I went without eating, it turned me out. It was then I found out what true hunger was really about. I detached myself from everything just to see how strong I was and found out that all I ever really needed was love.

Now the fire in my eyes is brighter that ever and I smiled at ever challenged because “Im down for whatever” Yesterday I wanted the old me back but today I’m more clever. So why be the old me when the new me is better?

 

 

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